It's not goodbye, it's see you soon.

How does one successfully pack up their entire life and move to the other side of the world and feel sane or relaxed? One doesn't. The last few weeks and especially the last few days before my departure were some of the toughest times I have experienced.

On top of all the stresses and tasks needed to do when preparing for a trip, I also had to complete 4 months of school work for 2 classes in 1 month, I had my last dance class as a student, I was working two jobs, I had to pack up my apartment, trust that my beloved cat will make out well with friends, and say goodbye to my friends and family, all while trying to remain sane and healthy. Well I couldn't do it all and I got sick. This didn't make anything I had to do easier, it made it more difficult because I had to keep going - there were no breaks. Every waking moment I was doing something. I went to bed thinking about what I had to do next. I was sleeping for maybe 5 hours a night and then the few days before I left, over a span of 3 days, I slept a total of 9 hours (a friend and I did the math on the plane). Everyone who I travelled with feels similar. I have been physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I was literally on the go every moment, every second. I was multitasking like crazy and have become very good at it. There were things I wanted to do and things I needed to do. I didn't get to do any of the things I wanted to do because I had to do the things I needed to do. Even then, I still wasn't able to complete all the things I felt I needed to do.

I'd be lying if I didn't say I cried everyday in the last week leading up to my departure. Just taking in the moments and knowing that this would be the last time I would get to do certain things or see certain people for 5 months was tough. One of the most difficult things for me was actually leaving my apartment. I have left rooms and apartments before, but this time it felt different and I was way more emotional. A lot has happened there over the past 2 years. Of course a mix of being sick and tired didn't help me remain calm. My lease expires while I'm here in China and so when I return home, it will be to a new apartment. I am lucky to have parents who are going to move me out when it comes times. Before I left though, I wanted to pack up as much of my things as I could, not only would that make it easier for them, but I also needed to pack up my belongings for myself so I could move on. During the last few minutes at my apartment I was just walking around and looking at what was left. It was bare and it echoed. An important thing to do when leaving a place for the final time is to 'look back'; look back and remember everything - all the good times, all the laughs, all the movie nights, all the late nighters, all the mess, all the parties, all the lounging days, all the difficult times, all the feelings. I bawled. In that moment and over the past few days, my body had experienced so many different emotions at the same time that my body didn't know how to handle the feelings and I would just sob. I did about 3 or 4 walk-throughs of my apartment and made 3 or 4 final checks. I laid on my bed and cried. I smelled my pillow and cried. I sat in the purple chair and cried. I held the door knob and cried. I walked out the last door, onto the deck, and then ran back to my door to double check that it was indeed locked, which it was and I knew it was time to leave. Before I closed the door for the last time I said out loud, "It's time to stop looking back now and time to look forward". I got into the car with my patiently waiting and supportive dad and texted my mom saying "just did the look back <3". Her response made me shed a tear and smile: "ok. now you need to look ahead <3". Even though she was home during my look back, she was there.

Dad and I decided to stay in Wolfville for supper and I suggested we go to the Front Street café. I hadn't been there in quite a while and dad had never been. I like the café because it was home style cooked food and I wanted a nice one last Canadian meal. We sat down and looked at the menu. I was going to get fish and chips and dad was wondering what the soup of the day was. Funny thing, the café just started also selling Chinese food. When it came time to order, we placed our order, only to find out that since it wasn't a very busy night, they let the Canadian chef go home early and now they were only serving Chinese food! We thought that was hilarious because that was the last thing I wanted since I would be eating Chinese food for 3 meals a day for the next 4 months. We chatted with our server (who is a friend and his sister is on the China trip with me!) and with the Chinese chef. My conversation with her was very comforting for some reason. She told me that China has a KFC and Subway (which was a relief because I now had a back up resource for food if needed). She taught me the Chinese word "ganbei" which not only means 'cheers', but 'down your drink'. Dad and I left and decided that if I wanted a Canadian meal, that good ol' Tim Hortons was perfect since we would also be going there anyways before we left. Before any journey of any kind, Canadians must have Tim's (it was also roll-up season, but we didn't win). At Tim's, dad and I sat at the fireplace and both had soups, wraps, a hot drink, and shared potato wedges. Dad, being the proud father he is, couldn't help but to ask the people sitting next to us to take our picture. He then proceeded to tell them about my upcoming journey.

Leaving the airport was just as tough as leaving my apartment. It was a different tough. I cried nearly the entire time. I had to be at the airport for 4am and our flight left at around 5:20am. Dad and I drove up the night before and stayed at the airport hotel, got there around 9:30pm, settled in, skyped mom, Paul, and Zoe, showered, and rested/slept for 3 hours. My luggage wasn't even checked in yet and I was already crying. Even though I weighed it at home and it was below the weight limit, my two was told that my 2 suitcases were overweight. This was stressful because I wasn't prepared to leave anything behind. The trip organizer's wife was very helpful. She was just wishing us all off, but has gone on the trip with students before. She suggested I take out my shoes and put them in her husband's carry on. Now all was good. Because I left the hotel room in a sleep deprived state, I didn't notice I forgot my black next pillow on the black chair. She suggested to dad that he go back and get it because it was a long flight and the pillow come in handy. I did not want to leave dad's side, but he rushed back to get it and returned before we left the area. I cried while he was gone and cried when I saw him return down the hall. After some group photos, we headed towards security. I stayed glued to my dad's side. Just before security, we were surprised by 2 of our classmates and everyone cried. That was such a sweet surprise and kind gesture. Now in the line for security and getting farther away from dad, I reached over the closed off area one last time for one last hug. Every step I took, I looked back and waved and blew kisses. Now in the security area getting checked, I savored every last glance I could take. Blowing kisses and slowly walking toward the stairs, I saw my dad extend his hand as far as he could to wave to me one last time.


To my dear friends:
Thank you for putting up with me while I went insane. You are true friends. Driving me around in the snow to do last minute things. Making me dinner. Being a friend who I can call at 4 in the morning. Hugging me while I cry. Taking care of my belongings. Chatting with me and helping me put my worries into perspective and making me think positively. I wish you could be on this adventure with me and I am already planning our hiking trips and girls nights out for when I come back home. I remember our last in person conversations and have been holding your guidance and love close to heart. It has helped me get through some tough days over here. "Don't let the little things get you down".

My loving and supportive family:
Words cannot describe how much I love you. The amount of support you give me is incredible. I am only on this journey because you have helped me develop the confidence and perseverance to survive. You have given me such an amazing gift. I know I will succeed out here because I have you backing me up. There were so many things I had to prepare for my departure and I thank you so much for helping me complete those tasks. I've never done anything like this before so I had no idea what to do, how to properly plan, or fully understand the importance of certain things. But I also have realized that you have probably never helped someone prepare for a trip like this so it was also a learning experience for you. So thank you for allowing me to look to you for answers when we were both the ones asking questions. I've been away from home before, but never this far. Even though there is a significant amount of distance between us, I also feel you are near and are always with me. I'm always thinking about you.